life is a changing

College is over, a new life is beginning. The interesting thing is to step back and look at the decisions i'm making now once college is over and realize that i am a product of the values and choices i made in college. I know that this sounds like a simple discovery, but i can see myself make decisions, be more assertive, and take pride in it; i do this not to simply better my own standing, but am doing it because now without a shadow of a doubt i know that no one will do it for me. In college there was always this overhanging stigma that if i didn't do something then someone else would. It is really like i'm discovering that i'm someone totally different than who i thought i was. Whether or not other people could see it in me i never took that time to get to know myself.

So now life finds me in Kansas City, KS. The pressures to get a job, get insurance, get a new life basically are beckoning at my door. However, it is interesting to note that these things, though they cause me some anxiety here and there, are merely necessities that if i don't have i will suddenly be deliberately breaking the law (at least insurance), and rather than getting a pathetic little green slip from public safety, i will get in trouble with the residing state officials. But these things are not seen as scary anymore...they are but facets of life that need attention. I have found that if you take charge of life then you have at least some control over your future. The reality to that statement is that we will never have full control over life, and thank goodness because if i was completely in charge of my own life it would be a pitiful mess. Through anxiety and trouble, discomfort and uncertainty, i know that even when i am unfaithful God is by my side...and that is enough.