cynic or faithless?

The question I have been pondering lately is my tendency to be cynical vs. my genuine tendency to question my faith. I believe that questioning my faith ultimately helps me to grow deeper in my relationship with Christ but many people do not feel that way. I'm sure many have felt this way but I was really convicted last night in a chapel service. You see, the service was designed with people popping up all over the place reading sequentially a specific psalm. The idea was to promote unity among diversity but I'm sitting there saying, "lame." Then a man spoke up with gospel story as he led the chapel. He was a good speaker, he sounded like an enthusiastic story teller type preacher, you can picture someone now i'm sure. Once again, the people all over the sanctuary started popping up questioning the truth of the gospel and what it meant for them. They were lamenting their pain and were asking how the 'good news' gospel could speak to them. At this point I was thinking, "Lament....seriously! Finally, we are embracing lament and aren't claiming to have all of the answers for our pain!" But to my astonishment, my cynical side was in for a treat because the gospel reader was saying things like, "God is with you," and "Everything is in God's timing." AGGHH! That is the technical vocabulary term for what I felt like at that moment. "We've ruined it!," I was thinking, "Why can't we accept genuinely that pain happens and needs to be dealt with!, instead we use cliche comfort phrases without following any of them up with genuine care!" Angry. Frustrated....Lame.

You see this dichotomy was rising up within me over being cynical and accepting my faith in Christ, which I have to admit can be 'conveyed' as a cliche phrase because honestly people do not know what else to say. My frustration (cynical side) was starting to cloud over my thoughts, which I can tend to do when I'm alone in my own head, isolated for a time. To my great suprise though and where my conviction emerged was when I heard the music playing,

He is able, more than able
to accomplish what concerns me today.
He is able, more than able
to handle anything that comes my way.
He is able, more than able
to do much more than I could ever dream,
He is able, more than able
to make me what He wants me to be.

I admit I choked up; my cynicism and doubt slowly melted and I realized, "He is able, why do I doubt so much based on MY belief that I know how things work and especially how HE works." I was humbled my friends, because an affirmation of faith comes when I can admit that I do not know how God works but I know I want to be apart of what he does in me and in those around me. This simple Hymn broke me down. Side note: it was so refreshing to feel deeply moved by a hymn, changed my life. What I realized that night is that it is okay to question, because questioning does invite genuine change in the life of the believer, however, questioning is distinctly differnt than doubting and being cynical.

"Lord, thy Kingdom come, thy will be done."

Peace.