Committment
What is 'Committment' in the fellowship of believers? This is a quasi-rhetorical question. In an analysis of my life I have tried to be a disciple. I try to read my bible, I try to read relevant theology books, I try to establish real relationships with people that I truly care about. I try. Next step, I fail. I asked Katie the other day, "Why do I constantly ask why I don't read the bible regularly, faithfully, skillfully - when I truly, deeply desire to do so?" "Why don't you quit asking yourself the question and just do it?," she says. To be honest this whole faithfulness/committment thing I'm dealing with really honestly makes me want to scream my lungs out. Seriously, I have been a good student, I majored with a ministry degree, I'm pursuing another as we speak, and yet, I fall short of THE ONE THING that I desperately need and desire. I don't know if anyone resonates with how I feel right now because I feel like a confused highschool/college student...well, I still am a college student but I'm and ADULT!
Can we level? I love reading the bible, studying it, disecting it, discussing it, understanding it. I write now out of frustration because I have been in one of those cliche "valleys" we speak of. Dry. Cracked. Broken. Disgusted. I write as a lament, as a vent you will to bloggerville as if anyone cared about my struggles (for any of you reading this - that was not an appeal for sympathy - I see that it could come out that way). I need Christ - Christ wants me - Faith is my strength that when I'm not following Christ to the best of my ability, but one thing I know is that his faithfulness surpasses anything I can imagine.
Broken. Alone. Distant. ....criteria that I would say attract a savior.
Just being real.
Can we level? I love reading the bible, studying it, disecting it, discussing it, understanding it. I write now out of frustration because I have been in one of those cliche "valleys" we speak of. Dry. Cracked. Broken. Disgusted. I write as a lament, as a vent you will to bloggerville as if anyone cared about my struggles (for any of you reading this - that was not an appeal for sympathy - I see that it could come out that way). I need Christ - Christ wants me - Faith is my strength that when I'm not following Christ to the best of my ability, but one thing I know is that his faithfulness surpasses anything I can imagine.
Broken. Alone. Distant. ....criteria that I would say attract a savior.
Just being real.
posted by Levi at
7:44 PM
2 Comments:
amen to your struggle bro. i am there quite often. for me, the problem is doubt. when i doubt and get to orational about this world, i lose the strength of the faith that God has granted me. then, i stop reading. i stop praying. i stop studying. i stop following. thankfully, God seeks after us at all time, always pulling us back. i try to let these dry spells run their course and once it is over, thank God for the depth of his patience and love. i also notice that they don't last as long if i stay disciplined. that's easier said than done though. just wanted to let you know that i do care about your lament and i feel your pain.
-dave-
leviticus, love the blogging that has been going on...lets make this a trend for ourselves. ezekiel 37 talks about what you touched on, being just a sack of dry bones. like our boy dave c., i am there too. you would think that being a youth pastor or having a ministry degree would equal us having a massive love for all things biblical. there are kids at church that think i sleep with headphones on as the bible is read through them, and that i wake up with a bible in my hand. as weird as that might be, i wish that were the case. i am praying that the Spirit would rest on each of us. tony evans, speaking on ezekiel 37, says that the israelites were dry because they were distant from God, and they were distant from God because they were disobedient. kinda crazy, but whenever i feel distant it is usually because i am disobedient. not that i am out murdering people, but i am out of tune with God's will for me. so lets keep fighting the fight. on to the next entry!
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