I feel a disconnect between "worship" and sunday morning "praise and worship." I really have found myself in what I can definitively say has occured this past year of being a spectator of worship...not by choice but because I feel zero connection with a body of believer's who sing praises. I'm thinking to myself, is it my attitude or what? Something is missing. The typical direction of this conversation usually resorts to "worship is a way of life," oh, oh so zen like is it? I see that as scriptural but still have not been genuinely changed by worship, I do not actively repent as an act of worship, i do not confess enough as an act of worship...and that is where i find myself. The all familiar verse in Romans 12 states to honor God as a living sacrifice which serves as an act of worship. The question is, have I really ignored the point of this verse. Have I misunderstood sacrifice by applying it to my own trivial circumstances of 'sacrifice' in which I feel sorry for myself (i work alot, i'm at school alot..etc). Repent. Change Direction.

If I am going to worship God I am going to repent of my sins and change directions back towards him...no matter how many times, no matter how irrelevent I begin to feel because I consistently fall. I will confess my sins, no just to God so that only he knows but to my peers, my friends, my body of believers so that I cannot remove from my predominantly Western oriented mind of personal, individuality and autonomy - a point that I must change unless I want to face the demise of my self-inflicted breakdown. My thoughts.

I don't resonate with Sunday morning worship where I am at. I cannot find peace in the modern worship context I am at...The point is not me leaving to find this change but to act as a channel of change wherever I'm at.