Is it enough?

Here is another story of post-seminary life in ministry. I have been taught to be smart in ministry, that is, to pace myself. We are not lone rangers, messiahs, or arrogant academics. We use our gifts, we try to hone in on our given talents, and should be studying what we teach. We live to be a breath of fresh air to those who do not study but live through the daily grind of day to day living. As a pastor, I am supposed to be "life-giving," and a resource and guide to my church. However, setting a pace is having an interesting effect on me.

I do not have a "strong" personality, in other words, I'm not "bull-headed." I like to work in teams, I like to delegate, and I like to encourage those on my youth staff, my students, and fellow congregants to let God use them. What is hanging me up is going against my natural instincts and culturally cultivated work ethic to be self-sufficient. Under Christ, I am no longer an individual, but a member of a greater body of believers. Simple theology-yes, hard practice-yes. I ask for help even when I don't want to, I try to empower those around me, and I try to live simply...is it enough?

If I am a pastor, a leader, and fellow servant and believer, the ministry that I am a part of should function without me. The team should be built up in a way that is not reliant upon one person, but is contingent upon a group of people working together. When I take a day off, it needs to be a day off. When I need to study, I really need to be rigorous and diligent in my work. When I feel I should be at the church 24/7, and when I think I need to be doing a better job, delegating less and doing more...I must pause and realize that this is not my ministry, but that I am a participant in a kingdom that involves all of us from the imperfect to the perfectionist...Lord have mercy.