inner turmoil

You could say that I am incurring much inner turmoil at the moment. It is nothing new, in fact it is something that I have thought about for many years and will continue to think about for many years. It is the tension between scripture and life, church and work, miracles and change, peacemaking and passivity.

Scripture illuminates our lives as a story unfolds that isn't a history story, but an active historically present reality that first must be recognized, then it must be realized. Or maybe it is first realized, then we can recognize it? Scripture is said to be a double-edged sword, and my interpretation of that is that the words can so pierce our hearts that we are forced to move, to respond. On the other hand, the words also heal, in a way that is much more than a simple "get well" but a powerfully convicting "BE WELL!" Scripture calls us to change, and be change - not to feel better about our lives in a way that fortifies a self-sufficient mindset of preserving self so that we can keep going out and earning more dollars.

The tension lives in knowing what is right and then justifying my own ideas of a way that is beneficial to me and really serves my own life. Peacemaking is not being passive, and yet it is not being forceful or violent. Peacemaking is an active responsibility that we all are supposed to side with being followers of the Way, and yet many of us will push an agenda that is self-serving, country-praising, and anthropocentric. We are called to a new kingdom which does nothing but create tension in a place that lives to serve self. We live in a place that Christ is among and yet we don't see him, and that should make us concerned. We need to be looking for the savior, because He is one among us, he is moving in this world, he is transforming darkness into light, and yet many of us will not see him.

If we don't have inner turmoil then I guess we are content with life, but that is where the rub is. It's one thing to be content, it's another to be apathetic towards the problems that we can all help with. This is where I'm failing. This is where turmoil exists in my life. I need to see the theoretical and make it living action. I need saving from myself, and I need to see ALL people with the eyes of Christ. Not in a happy, warm your heart way, but in a nitty-gritty, shirt off my back, self-giving love that doesn't look pretty and doesn't fit into a schedule. I need intervention, that life is not about my agenda, but about self-giving love that was perfectly modeled by Jesus Christ. Amen.