God, it's Ugly...

I have always been one to notice the beauty in something. I have been called an optimist, and with that, a dreamer. It is this disposition that has led my family to join in missional living, with the intention of sharing life together with other peoples and pastors for the sake of a neighborhood. We are committed, covenantly joined together, for better or for worse, and when you are dealing with people, within relationships, it can just be ugly. Not cool, not hip, but painstakingly ugly.

When I was first married, I learned to know how selfish I really was. One learns about one's self and one's spouse most deeply in marriage, and within that covenant one truly learns what self-sacrifice means. If we stay in our selfishness, we can become resentful, angry and bitter - which will ultimately lead to demise. In traditional church structures today, if we aren't covenanted to a community, we can remain unchecked in our selfishness, enter into resenfulness, anger and bitterness, and move our problems to a different place without resolution. We become migrating hoarders, taking what we can and moving on. Marriage doesn't work this way, church shouldn't work this way, and missional living absolutely can not work this way.

Covenanting and sharing life with multiple families means taking on their hurts, carrying their burdens, calling them out and lifting them up (for a lifetime). It's a new paradigm. There is no climb up a mountain to reach a place of sustainability. There is only the journey forward where some times call for one to lift a brother, sister or family up, and there are times when you are the one being lifted up. To be sure, there is no climbing, the very striving for sustainability is the quest to do it alone, personal achievement. We can't do this alone. 

My eyes have been opened to the ugliness of living "for" others, because there are times when everyone is stressed and at the end of their ropes, our stuff is not all together, our lives have blemishes all over, and still there is this glimmering strand of hope that this is the life of a follower of Christ. Dependend, messy, and ugly. Therefore, I will live in the promise of beauty, in the cultivated fields of promise, in the shining beams of hope because we have one life to live fully. This life can be lived for me and my comforts or can be lived in the dependent, ulgy mess that is sharing a life, a dream, and a faith together. 

Do we have eyes to see the promise beyond ourselves, a kingdom coming?