development, dependence, and detox...

Through understanding development in children and adolescents, I know there is a time when we are completely dependent on another and then transition into independence. What I find fascinating is how the biblical narrative calls us back from independence to a right understanding of dependence. I struggle with this; with giving away control; with wanting to please others; with a determination that has been inked into my cultural heritage to "be all that I can be." Unlearning a habit, rethinking a mindset, just may be a modern day miracle. I need redemption.

As I hear the story of Moses in Exodus 4, I see a leader afraid of his own limitations, and a politician not wanting to do too much to upset the fruit basket. I resonate here, in the past and the present. I see my limitations, I want to make all of the right decisions, I fear what others think of me if I don't do what they think I should do, and I want to be right. I want to have control over a situation even though I'm not a type A control freak. I think we all have levels of comfort with how we develop and what is asked of us from others. We all have certain degrees of unlearning independence and relearning a faithful dependence.

God reminded Moses, in his opposition to speaking, that it was He who gave him life, and a voice, and his current position. Moses thought he owned even himself, and we often do as well. "It's my body I can do what I want with it; It's my money I can do what I want with it; It's my ministry I can do what I want with it; etc." My need to control gives me anxiety. Anxiety shows an unproductive worldly dependence that takes away from a belief that God is in control. Sometimes we can't explain unrest, or anxiety, or fear, but we wake up with a pit in our stomachs. This may be a sign that we need to detox our independence, turn from sin, and be faithful to the gospel.