consumeristic and opinionated

I've been reading alot about the consumeristic climate of American religion. This is something that I'm aware of and that everyone is tainted by. Whether we want to admit it or not, we are influenced by the culture surrounding us, America. In my studies and personal convictions, I try to stay away from "picking and choosing" what I like in ministry and in my own church. I do not exist to be the church's number one critic, I have to participate. Does that mean in the good and in turn have to fight through the bad? I think it does, because in my most earnest attempts to be a light in my church, if I pull away from the darkness, I have been singled out as what I hate, a consumer. My consumerism is skewed through not "what can church do for me," but rather, "what can I do for the church...if i don't agree than I won't participate or better yet, I'll tell as many people that I can how wrong it is!" Can you understand my tension? This fear of mine is that because of my consumerism, I begin to segregate myself with a self appointed "elitist" mentality that I know something and you don't. Forgive me for that.

My second fear is that I've become so opinionated through my convictions and education that I have begun to separate myself, unintentionally, from the greater group of people - those I choose to serve and serve with. I have spent a lot of time fighting against the stubborn mindsets and worldviews that I would consider less than adequate, and look at me, becoming what I am trying to avoid.

This is an honest confession. I need to be transparent. Lord have mercy.