development, dependence, and detox...

Through understanding development in children and adolescents, I know there is a time when we are completely dependent on another and then transition into independence. What I find fascinating is how the biblical narrative calls us back from independence to a right understanding of dependence. I struggle with this; with giving away control; with wanting to please others; with a determination that has been inked into my cultural heritage to "be all that I can be." Unlearning a habit, rethinking a mindset, just may be a modern day miracle. I need redemption.

As I hear the story of Moses in Exodus 4, I see a leader afraid of his own limitations, and a politician not wanting to do too much to upset the fruit basket. I resonate here, in the past and the present. I see my limitations, I want to make all of the right decisions, I fear what others think of me if I don't do what they think I should do, and I want to be right. I want to have control over a situation even though I'm not a type A control freak. I think we all have levels of comfort with how we develop and what is asked of us from others. We all have certain degrees of unlearning independence and relearning a faithful dependence.

God reminded Moses, in his opposition to speaking, that it was He who gave him life, and a voice, and his current position. Moses thought he owned even himself, and we often do as well. "It's my body I can do what I want with it; It's my money I can do what I want with it; It's my ministry I can do what I want with it; etc." My need to control gives me anxiety. Anxiety shows an unproductive worldly dependence that takes away from a belief that God is in control. Sometimes we can't explain unrest, or anxiety, or fear, but we wake up with a pit in our stomachs. This may be a sign that we need to detox our independence, turn from sin, and be faithful to the gospel.

permeation and perspective

Ash Wednesday. This day in my recent history as a Christ follower has been extremely formative. The season of Lent calls us to reflect and remember the journey to the cross, to mourn and repent of our own sin, and to find ourselves purified and cleaned through the faithfulness of Christ. Amen.

As I begin to think of ashes, which we do impose upon ourselves as a sign of mourning and repentance, I began to think of the process that is involved to have ashes. Whatever the object, whether palm branches, paper, wood, etc., it is broken down to ashes. It is reduced to dust, of which it all found roots at one point in time. The process of burning, the flame being fed by the wind, has the ability to bring something to the very foundation. This is where we begin our journey.

It is not the ashes that I initially focus on though, but the smoke that permeates from the fire and ashes. Much like being around a camp fire, the smoke follows you somehow. Spend 1 minute around a camp fire and you carry the scent with you everywhere. Whether you love the smell of the campfire, or hate it, the perspective of "you" begins to be seen (or smelled) by those around you. Having the smell of campfire is normal while around a campfire. It makes sense, everyone smells the same, its a group. It's when we go back into our cars, our homes, or even public places, where people know where we have been, around a fire.

I want to be a permeating scent, a beautiful aroma to those around me. Much like a conditioned response, by being in the flame of Christ, the smoke of myself being broken down to its foundation, I want Christ to be seen through my actions. We are called to followers, made into disciples, and transformed and restored into the image of God.

Lenten Blessings.